Pak La Pa Lan Pa

Pak La Pa Lan Pa, I’m Lovin’ it

 

Drunk…………..

 

天真無邪的小孩……

 

最色情的考試題目！！包你答錯！！！

一年級的班上有位同學很無精打採的趴在桌上 老師問他：『你怎麼了？』

學生回答說：『我太聰明了，一年級對我來說太簡單了。

我比我姐姐都聰明，可是她卻在3年級。我覺得我也應該上三年級！』

老師於是把學生帶到了校長辦公室。

她向校長解釋了一下學生的情況。

校長建議應該給學生一個測試，

如果他答錯了任何一個問題，他就應該呆在一年級裡。老師同意了。

學生被叫進了辦公室，老師向他說明了校長的意思，學生也同意了。

校長：『3乘3等於幾？』

學生：『9』

校長：『6乘6等於幾？』

學生：『36』

就這樣，校長問了很多3年級的問題，學生都回答正確。

於是校長對學生的老師說：『我想他可以到3年級上課了。』

學生的老師說：『讓我問他幾個問題吧。』

校長和學生都同意了。

老師：『什麼東東牛有4個而我只有2個？』

學生：『腿。』

老師：『什麼東東你褲子裡有而我的褲子裡沒有？』（校長對學生老師問的

問題感到很奇怪，她為什麼要問這些問題，校長想。）

學生：『口袋。』

老師：『什麼東東以C開頭，T結尾，上面有很多毛，橢圓型，含有令人陶醉的，乳白色的液體？』校長的眼睛睜著大大的，想阻止老師繼續 問下去，

學生回答說：『椰子（Coconut）。』

老師：『什麼東東進去的時候是即紅又硬，而出來的時候是軟的、有黏液的？』

學生：『泡泡糖。』

老師：『什麼事情男人要站著做，女人坐著做，狗用三條腿做？』

學生：『握手。』

老師想了一想說：『現在我將問你幾個”你猜我是什麼”的問題，可以嗎？』

學生：『好的！』

老師：『你用棍橕在我的裡面，把我頂上，再把我支起來。而我在這之前就變

濕了。』

學生：『帳篷。』

老師：『手指會進入我。當你煩躁的時候你會玩弄我。最好的男人一直會有我。』

學生：『結婚戒指。』

老師：『進入過我的東東有大有小。當我不舒服的時候，我就會滴下水滴。當你

吹我的時候，你會感到很舒服。』

學生：『鼻子。』

老師：『我有一個堅硬的杆。我的頭可以插入到別的東東。隨後，那東東就會全

身顫抖。』

學生：『箭。』

老師：『什麼單詞以F開頭，K結尾，並且有讓人興奮的意思。』

學生：『救火車（Firetruck）。』

老師的問題終於問完了，校長鬆了一口氣，擦了擦額頭上的汗說：『我們保送他去北大吧！剛剛你問的那十道題我都全答錯了。』

 

I hates airport

What I hate most about the airport nowadays

The waiting

Sometime you have to wait in queue like forever just to get your passport stamp or check in and by the time you get there they close the gate and open the next one.

Waiting for the next flight, I hate long wait for transit, cos I end up paying over price meal like today in Paris, 22 Euro (120 RM) for a sandwich and a can of coke.

Going through Immigration in some backward country, especially mental backward or racist country.

The worst is when the immigration department or the custom decided to do a check on you like today in the old Moscow airport.

Apparently they can’t differentiate Malaysian Chinese is not a Chinese from China holding a fake Malaysian pass board.

“ You spikel er English, no?” Russian hooligan (Russian always like to end a question with another question, dun know why?)

“huh? English yes ofcos” Me

“English no?” repeat the hooligan

Me……. (is he asking me whether I can speak English or he is telling me he can’t speak English)

“I can only speak English and no Russian” me

“okay…..okay……you Cina (Russian for Chinese)?” Hooligan asked

“Yes, I’m Chinese” Me

“This is not your document (Pass board in Russia)?” Holigan

“Yes, It is mine” Me

“You Cina” Holigan

“I’m Malaysian, Chinese” me

“No Cina?” Holigan

“Yes, I’m Chinese, a Malaysian” Me

Hooligan was like checking my pass board like it was fake or stolen…..

“I’m a Malaysian” I repeat again.

“no Cina” Holigan….

“I’m a Malaysian.” I decided not to confuse him further.

He let me go finally…….with the look “ Dun come back again you Cina”

There are many Chinese all over the world and not all Chinese are bad people and not all Russian are Hooligan…..

Security check

Now days, security checking is such important procedure like they want you to strip naked and do some inner checking to be sure, I mean they do all this even to a some little kids and old folks. They even come up with this x-ray screening now and it is such a big issue in Russia as you will be fully expose (naked) on screen when u go through the x-ray. For guys like me ok la but for leng lui how???? Rugi la like tat…………Dun know they got job for operator or not?

Look like a Prison Check Point

Soon it will be like this………Susah…….

The New Xray Scan Machine in Moscow Airport

No liquid for hand carry

Really stupid idea, if the passenger can demonstrate by drinking abit of the content in the bottle to show that it is safe, why must you force me to finish it???? You like to torture Asian is iZ you sick Hooligan…………and It is a toothpaste in a bottle, you can smell it you moron and you want me to throw it away, you sick sick hooligan….I can brush my teeth and show you la. What can I do with the toothpaste? High jack the plane with it or brush the captain teeth if he dun give me control of the plane?

But funny thing they allow me to carry my lighter, and my little Swiss army knife, smart right???? So smart……….

I think this is getting too much on the security issue, if some one want to highjack or boom the plane, they will do it anyway and no freaking way you can stop it, they are professional.

Aeroplane food

Well actually I like most of the flight especially Asian operator like SQ, Cathay, JAL, Thai and ofcos MAS la, the food is alright. The American and European “feigai chan” sucks man……….

“Chicken or Fish” Pretty air stewards ask

“Chicken Please…” Me

“Sorry sir, we only have Fish” She replies with a nice smile

“Then Fish, Please…” Me answer, in my heart (D*W……dun have why give me option????)

Dun understand? They give u this fancy menu and later tell you that you choice are what even left of it………….

Aiya good or no good, still got to eat rite, it is included in the airfare………jangan Rugi la………

No Smoking

Well done Charles de Gaulle, the first airport I been to that totally cut off smoking. I mean 110% off not even a small little tiny none ventilation room with no sitting. Even worst then Malaysia….This is so shit……

I have not smoke for 6 hours from Moscow to Paris and I have to wait like another 5 hours in the airport without smoke and another like 15 hours on flight………..shit. No more Air France and no more stop over at Charles de Gaulle.

People sleeping in the airport

Well this is a common sight la, I do that sometime between long transit but one place you should see is Dubai airport, the floor is full of people sleeping, most of them are labourer from Indonesia la, Thailand la, Philippines, Chinese and including “gua” (Malaysia), why???? Cos there is not enough chairs provided for people to sit so all end up sitting and sleeping on the floor. Such beautiful airport but not enough sitting place.

The airport I like most

1. Changi – the best as it really focusing on the people using the facilities, nice resting area, excellent landscaping, a lot of activities, good shopping, internet and most important the best smoking area with indoor and outdoor option, I just love it.
2. Hong Kong – Great place to makan and shopping , always get good bargain, the smoking area just next to star buck, great.
3. Japan – So classy, the Japanese really understand quality and the way the build thing you just have to “kau tao” and yes a very nice smoking area with running water.

The airport I hate most

1. Charles de Gaulle– No smoking, end of story……….
2. KLIA – why there is only one smoking room for such a big airport and located such far places, no cow senses one.
3. Moscow – hate their racist on Asian but still I can smoke in many places in the airport la, so ok lor.

 

Kopi China

How do u order a cappuccino in a Chinese Kopitiam? 

You order a “Kopi China” la

And never order a “one ton Mee” in Western restaurant unless you can finish it

 

Sex….

Who enjoy more????

Son asks father: when making love, which enjoy more? Man or woman?

Father answer: Ofcos Women la

Son: Why?

Father: when you dig your nose, which feels better the nose or your finger?

Son:……………………..

Condom

Son: Why men dun like to use condom

Father: Do u wear gloves to dig your nose?

Son:……………………..

Period

Son: why we shouldn’t make love when the girl got period?

Father: Do u dig your nose when it is bleeding?

Son:……………………..

Rape

Son: Women dun like to be force on hor….?

Father: Do you like your nose to be dig by stranger from the streets?

Son:……………………..

 

Toilet Poet………

Excellent poems by not so famous poets…

 

Found on toilet doors and walls……….

A budding poet trying his best…
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this…
Here I sit Broken hearted
Tried to shit But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,
You’re lucky You had your chance
I tried to fart, And shit my pants!

Perhaps it’s true that people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here To shit and stink,
But all I do Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose..
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls…

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space……. (written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line,
the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.
And finally, this should teach some a lesson…

Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food… Please aim properly.